It will be hard to build a healthy relationship, especially if we are from emotionally draining households. This is because we have been accustomed to live in circumstances that are scary and bad. We would be afraid to speak up because we’ve been used to silencing. This continues even during adulthood. We would feel lonely and insecure; we can’t speak up for ourselves. We’d rather succumb than to fight anything.
A child should be given love and support from the time they are born to the time they learn about the world. When these children are not cultured enough, they tend to live in their shell. They’d cancel everything in the world and stay alone.
When it comes to relationship, these children grow up to be insecure adults. They doubt if they are loved. They doubt if they deserve all the love. It is just because they’ve lived in dark times; it’s hard to get used to the light.
Individuals would tend to develop some defence strategies to keep them secure.
They are indeed masters in suppression their feels; they have anxiety and trust issues. All this is the influence of the household they come from. They’ve grown in unstable and untrustworthy circumstances; they think they are by themselves. They would survive the world with all the pain. It’s like they are used it. So, when it comes to finding a love of their life, it could be very challenging.
Will they have a new experience, or would it drain them more emotionally? That’s what goes in their mind.
The strategies that worked for them as a child wouldn’t work in their adulthood.
If there is an argument, the individual will tend to keep quiet. Even if they have valid points to talk about, they will hesitate to say it out loud because that’s what they did as a child. They never got to raise their voice because they thought they would be making more chaos.
But when in a relationship it is needed to talk, talk about what is bothering you. Have a conversation about your insecurities.
This is something different for them to adopt. Because all these years they have been suppressing every revolving thought.
They can’t seem to speak their mind. It will take time for them to nurture to be in a healthy relationship.
If you are one of these children having a hard time in the adult world, we understand and can relate to what you feel.
If you can’t talk back and suppressing yourself, it’s not worthy of being in such a relationship.
A healthy relationship is formed when both individuals understand and support each other.
You can’t set back yourself from being expressive. Because in a love relationship, sitting quietly by yourself doesn’t work at all. You need to fight and come out of your shell and get in contact. In grown-up relations you need to grow, you should show yourself, you should let others know you and get to know others. This is how it works.
You can’t stay quiet and gobble up the fear. Staying silent doesn’t help in any way; instead, it will make you anxious and insecure. You should not be hiding your thoughts and pretend to be okay when you are not okay.
To survive as an adult, you need to be healthy. You can’t let the world take advantage because of your fright and anxiety. You should fight, communicate and more importantly grow relationships in the world.
You can’t stay alone throughout your life. There’s and the whole world you need to explore you can’t stay in your shell for long. It takes you nowhere.
You will find yourself in the moments where you want to fight back, but it only happens in your head. You understand what is going on, but this urge that is inside of you stays inside. And that’s the problem.
You can’t change your nature in a day. That’s how you’ve grown. You might still feel very anxious when something happens.
Is there a way to change this? Your nervous system might automatically respond to the bad happenings, how to overcome it?
The first thing to focus is to start paying attention to what is happening to you. How are you reacting when there is a conflict? Study this pattern. Recognise and acknowledge what is happening to you.
You should understand that when you are confronted, think about what is right for you. What are your thoughts about it? If you can rationalise and find the truth, you are doing yourself a great favour.
You will feel contented that you are giving to yourself and keeping yourself safe. Being quite about the facts and statement that you are sure about being factual statements should be let out. You can’t live like this. You can’t fight battles inside your mind.
The second things are to dethrone the fear. Think about what can calm you down. What words you’d want to hear from your close ones.
The mind might tell you that at times like this, there is no need for another emotional supporter because it feels like you are your only console.
Since you are a deep thinker, you will think about how you will die alone; you won’t have this loved one or any other person to accompany you. You will feel that you must have been asking for more since you’ve had a depriving childhood.
If you are genuinely not wanting support from anyone, you can choose autonomy and free yourself.
At this point, it is you who should make up your mind.
There could be innumerable answers that would tell you how to overcome your fears and anxieties. But what you need to hear is, you ask your fear what it wants to stand up for. What could make it speak the truth? The truth that has been undying in the inner self.
Once you find out the right answers, you can start walking the path and find the answers you need.
Growing up in chaos shouldn’t affect your adulting. You should no longer shut yourself. Adopt slowly to react the way you want to. You will find ways to cope in the world. Don’t be afraid; there is a protector that’s protecting you. And that protector is you indeed.